Category Archives: Patience

Bloom

Its tempting.  That persistent pull during stressful moments and amidst the chaos of motherhood.  When it seems you’re treading water just to make it through the day, yearning for bedtime to finally come for a brief respite from life’s ever-rushing flow.  It whispers in the mundane as I fold yet another load of laundry and look at the messy room that was clean just moments before.

“I can’t wait for this season to be over.”

I have found myself wrestling with this tug to look more towards tomorrow than enjoy whatever is held in today.  Don’t get me wrong.  I absolutely ADORE my children!  I’m beyond grateful that I’m able to stay home to raise them in these small years.  What a blessing to have a home to keep and a full fridge of food to prepare.  All gifts.  All luxuries.  All able to wear me out more than I’d like to admit.  Motherhood has proven thus far the most refining role I’ve held yet.  Sacrifice.  Selflessness.  Patience.  So much patience.  ‘Tis not a glamorous job but oh so worthwhile.

As I’ve wrestled with this pull during today’s struggles to be more eager for tomorrow’s elusive ease, the Lord continues to bring this passage to mind.  Oh how I need it!

“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for me, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance.  It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” (Colossians 3.23-24)

Whatever you do.  Whatever.  Whether folding laundry for the millionth time or cleaning another dirty diaper or putting down the book that you’d really like the chance to read to give your child a needed hug, do it ALL for the glory of God.  When tomorrow’s dreams feel like they lay on the back burner in order to accomplish the needs of today, work at today’s tasks as unto the Lord.  Rather than hoping this season will quickly pass because of my own shortcomings and impatience, I ought embrace the gift of today that He has given me.  After all, the whole of life is a sum of todays.  If I spend it all looking towards the tomorrows rather than embracing the now, I will have squandered it all.

Jim Elliot once said, “Wherever you are, be all there.”  In other words, bloom where you are planted.  That is my hope, my prayer, the lesson I continue to struggle in learning.  When the tugging comes to wish away the present struggles for tomorrow, may I remember that it is the Lord Jesus whom I serve.  May I work at all before me as working unto Him, knowing if this is the season He has for me, then it is for a good purpose and I can trust Him in it.  After all, today is but a wisp, here for a moment and then gone forever.  May I be found faithful in His sight.  May I bloom where I’ve been planted.

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In Response Of Wrongdoing

We’ve all experienced it.  We’ve observed its wreckage from afar and felt its sting first hand.  Wrong done in the name of right.  Intentional harm from trusted hands.   It bruises at the onset and rattles our being long after.  Wounding sin.

Today found me wrestling unexpected thoughts of past experiences.  Thoughts of harsh words spoken, lies told, accusations thrown, trust broken.  While enjoying some java during the kids’ naps, this sudden flood began and with it, a wave of anger.  It quickly grew from a steady simmer to a roaring boil.   My heart raced with righteous anger against the utter nastiness of sin and its devastating effects, both in my life and the lives of loved ones.  We all have been wronged at one time or another.  And we all have done wrong to someone else.  We are, after all, innately sinful.  Nevertheless, this morning’s awareness of these offenses, some of which may never be rectified, left me frantic with frustration and nearly tachycardic in wanting justice served.

“In your anger, do not sin.”

But it’s wrong!  It mocks Your Name!  It harms undeserving people!  It’s not right!  Why do You allow such things to happen?!

“In your anger, do not sin.”

I know, Lord, I know.  But I’m so angry!  Emotions raged as memories raced.  Some wounds fresh along with old scars resurfacing, reminding me of whence they came.  Where was this coming from?  And what in the world was I to do with it?!

“In your anger, do not sin.”

Over and again, the Lord whispered Ephesians 4:26 to my heart.  In the midst of feeling the weight of others’ sins against me, I did not want to respond in like kind.  I would be no better than those who caused the original harm.  It would not leave me better off.  It would bring NO honor to the Lord.  None.  But what to do…

I had no answers but knew I needed to go to Scripture to find them.  Anything apart from that would simply be based in opinion and emotion.   A trusted friend immediately came to mind.  Ever since I first met Beverly Carroll, she has always spoken Biblical truth into my life, ever pointing me to Christ in times of wrestling.   Today was no exception.  I shared with her my consuming struggle, asking what passages had guided her when she faced wrongdoing.

James 1:19,20   2 Corinthians 10:5   Ephesians 4:25-27, 29-32

Beverly immediately pointed to passages that deal with such ugliness, mostly our response to them.  As I scoured these verses, the Lord began calming my turmoil.  The words turned my attention off of the wrongs done and onto the One who came to redeem all things.  Slowly, my mind went from being consumed with the sins of others to dwelling on the One who forgave MY sins.  What Beverly shared next diffused the fury burning within me, shifting my focus from the wrongs to the Redeemer.  As I could not say it better myself, here is what she wrote:

Matthew 5:23,24 instructs us to be reconciled, regardless.  That means that we cannot indulge negativity or bitterness even when they are warranted and justified.  Forgiveness is vital, required, even when the offenders don’t deserve it.  God requires it.  It is an act of obedience that can become our offering to the King.  They may not deserve it.  They simply benefit from our unwavering desire to please God.  It cannot be done on our own.  It is a supernatural gift, to “be not overcome with evil, but to overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21).  2 Peter 1:3,4 assures us that we have everything we need, in Christ, to live the lives He expects us to live.  We are promised that that we don’t have to do it ourselves.  We partake of the divine nature that is already in us.  We don’t have to muster up love or forgiveness.  We don’t have to remove our own bitterness.  We simply partake of everything that is available to us in Christ.  We help ourselves to His very nature thus enabling us to escape the very corruption you reference.  I think, regarding these types of struggles, that victory is a daily laying down, much like surrender.  It’s certainly not a once-for-all victory.  But it does drive you to Christ repeatedly, and that fact, alone, helps us to count it all joy.  It’s just one more example of the fact that God redeems what He allows.”  Wow.

So what to do in response of wrongdoing?  Forgive.  Speak truth in love.  Overcome evil with good.  Not because it is deserved but because as our act of surrendered worship to God.  Because while we were in the midst of our sin, Christ died for us.  Because it reminds us yet again of our need for the Savior.

We all have been wronged.  We all have wronged someone else.  We all must run to Jesus in the midst of the mess.  Only there can true healing, true forgiveness, true peace be found.  To Him and Him alone be the glory for it.

Let love be without hypocrisy.  Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.  Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.  Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.  Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.  Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly.  Do not be wise in your own estimation.  Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.  Respect what is right in the sight of all men.  If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.  Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.  ‘But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”   

(Romans 12:9-21)

 

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So Here’s The Thing…

Thirteen months.  It has been thirteen months since my last blog post.  Thirteen months since I let a day pass without writing…then two..then a week…then 2012 is halfway over and not a single thing has been written!  THIRTEEN MONTHS!

Truth be told, I set out to be perfect.  I wanted to write a post every day, each week, all year long.  I have several amazing girlfriends with far more children and responsibilities than I who are able to wax poetic daily.  They don’t simply write posts; they inspire, they encourage, they are consistent.

I love to write.  Since I was a young girl, words have gripped me in inexplainable ways.  I will choose a book over a movie anytime.  Something about putting thoughts to paper has always brought great joy and focus to my heart.  I don’t claim to be a brilliant writer by any means.  Writing is simply the venue the Lord has given me to sort my own thoughts and analyze my life experiences.  When faced with a blank page and words begin flowing, all the madness of life seems to fade and for a brief while, the scrambled things come into focus.  Many times, the Lord has brought words and passages to mind in the midst of writing that He would use to work in me later on.  So much of my writing during Isaac’s life was words He would give in the midst of writing sessions to later use in ministering to my weary heart.  Its nothing that I have earned nor take credit for.  Its just the way He has wired me.

So here’s the thing:  As I said, I want to be perfect.  Not to impress or gain attention but to accomplish every goal I set.  Since I was young, I’ve had an innate desire to get it right every time, all the time.  To set a goal and fully achieve it.  Type A, anyone?!  So when I set out to be a consistent blogger, I was gung-ho.  Posts were flowing, lessons being learned and in need of sharing if for not other reason than to record His workings for myself.  But then it happened.  A day would go by, then a few.  Writers block would creep in and suddenly I was faced with inconsistency.  My pride bruised from imperfection.  One would logically think, “Just pick up where you left off and keep on writing.”  But no.  It turned into anxiety, embarrassment.  I couldn’t just write any post.  It must be epic!  Profound.  Worth the loss of days.  As each day passed, my self-inflicted pressure continued to rise.  Thirteen months later…

This is but one of countless examples in my life that has caused me to face my frailty head on.  How often I strive for perfection, to have everything all together, all the time, on my own.  Were I truly honest, it is a struggle that has impacted my walk with the Lord.  I fail and my natural response is embarrassment, discouragement, inaction.  At its core, isn’t that the human experience?  In the Garden, Eve desired to be like God by eating the fruit, to become perfect.  Yet once she sinned, rather than running to the arms of the One who loved her most, she hid in shame.  We seek to be complete and self-fulfilling all on our own, as if we will impress God with our “grandeur”.  Yet every ability, every gifting, every good and perfect thing to be found in us ultimately comes by His generous hands.

It may seem like a silly issue, inconsistent writing, but it has been a simple lesson on a greater issue for me.  The Lord desires my communion with Him, not perfection of my own accord.  After all, I will NEVER be perfect.  ‘Tis the human condition: broken and in need of a Redeemer.  So whether it be a large life issue or simply a blip in the blogosphere, He is teaching me to move ahead.  Lay down the discouragement and press onward, further knowing my desperate need of Him and His gracious delight in me.

So here’s the thing:  I won’t be perfectly consistent in writing.  I will set goals and sometimes fail in achieving them.  Writers block may come and go.  But when the words do come again, rather than being silent out of my shame of inconsistency, I will simply pick up my pen and scribe again.  After all, anything of merit in my words comes from Him.  I simply want to be faithful in expressing what He has given.

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Still Here…

To say the past few months have been a whirlwind would be a ginormous understatement.  In a blink, time has flown from being massively pregnant and traveling to DC to now being a mother of two amazing kids.  Evan Garrett turns 3 weeks old tomorrow and though he has only been with us a short time, I could not imagine life without him in it.  I am completely smitten with this precious little boy and amazed at the love Eliana shows him daily.  Jordan continues to astound me with the incredible father he is to our kids and how he finds little ways daily to encourage and love me.  Simply put — I am blessed beyond measure and comprehension.

I hope to blog more regularly in the days and weeks ahead as I adjust to our family’s new routine (and hopefully gain more sleep).  There are pictures to be posted, stories to be told, posts to catch up on, and hilarious pregnant moments to share.  But for now, know that the Leinos are having an amazing summer.  Thank you all for your prayers on our behalf as we waiting for Evan’s arrival and the joy you have shared with us since his birth.  More to come soon!

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Road Trip

It’s finally here!  A weekend I’ve been looking forward to for quite some time.  For the next three days, my mom, sister and I are having a culinary weekend together!  My amazing hottie of a husband is watching Eliana for the whole weekend so that I can spend the next three days off of mom duty with my girls.  Mornings in Georgetown and historic Washington, D.C., an afternoon in my hometown – Annapolis, MD, exploring the eastern market in our nation’s capital, a full evening at a Julia Child cooking class in Pentagon City.  The fun has just begun!  I truly am blessed to spend these next three days with my mom and sister, laughing throughout each day and enjoying delectable food together.  What a blast!

Happy weekend, everyone!  Be sure to check back next week for the delicious details of our foodie weekend.  I’ll enjoy some Georgetown Cupcakes on your behalf. 🙂

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Under The Weather

I’m not sure what it is about this week: perhaps the change of seasons, this ever-growing baby boy, or some bug that’s going around.  Whatever the cause, I have certainly been under the weather this week.  Nausea, leg cramps, heart burn, migraines.  Not my best week for sure.  But despite the lingering yuck and sleepless nights, I’m reminded there is much to be thankful for in the midst of feeling ill:

God has provided so much for our family.  A safe home, a warm bed, food, clothing, medicine to help with aches and discomforts, healthy children, a new baby on the way, white cells.  While I don’t feel my best at all, I’m in far better shape than countless many in our country and around the world.  This too shall pass.  Being physically slowed down for the week, I’ve been able to focus far more during my reading times in the Bible and elsewhere.  Some times the most undesired circumstances can bring about rich, hidden blessings.  Who knew the Book of Numbers had so much to say!

My husband is truly amazing.  He has cared for Eliana and I incredibly well all during one of the busiest work weeks of the year so far.  He sweetly tells me I’m beautiful on my yuckiest days, rubs my ever-cramping feet, and has made many runs to Target for more ginger ale…at all hours of the day.  My daughter is precious.  She seems to understand why Mommy has needed to be on the couch so much, often running over just to give me a hug or lay there with me.  So sweet.  I’m blessed with an wonderful family, both immediate and in-laws.  They are all caring and considerate, praying on my behalf and sending encouraging messages throughout the day.  I’m surrounded by incredible friends.  They are always a delight to be around and can bring a smile to even the most nauseous face.  Friends in every season.  What a blessing!

This may not be the most fabulous week of my life, but it certainly has not been the worst.  My life is not perfect.  However, in the midst of the good, the bad and the mundane, God promises to with me (Deut. 31.8).  He truly is all I need (Phil. 4.19).  Whether we’re at the top of our game or under the weather, enjoying the views from a beautiful mountaintop or trudging through the fog of a dark valley, there is always an opportunity to be thankful.

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”  Philippians 4.4


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Friday Facts

  • I’m 27 weeks pregnant today.  Little Man Leino has become quite a busy-body.  He is definitely strong, kicking and moving his arms with far more force than my other two kiddos at this stage.  At times it feels like he’s doing somersaults or boxing.  I can’t wait to meet this feisty little guy in June!
  • The warmer weather has allowed Eliana to spend much more time outside and she has loved it!  She wants to be outdoors every chance she gets.  Often her first word in the morning is “outside?”  Such a happy little girl.  Whether she’s flying kites with Daddy, helping Maima in her garden or coloring on the porch in a hula skirt, Eliana has a blast anytime she’s in the sun.

  • Leino Studios had a fabulous first week in its new location.  We are so thankful for the new space God provided for Jordan’s business.  Though we are still putting some final decorating touches on the space, Jordan has already enjoyed the benefits of having much more space for all his musical and business needs.  A step forward in every way, we’re excited to see all that is in store for the Studio in this next season.
  • Our little girl loves to sing!  Any time music is playing, she’s singing and dancing along.  Maima has been teaching Eliana the words and motions for “Itsy, Bitsy Spider”.  It amazes me to watch her pick up phrases and hand motions so quickly.  I found her trying to get one of her baby dolls to do the motions this past week.  Precious!
  • Journey just finished a series on Love.  Boy, has it impacted me!  Over four weeks, our church took an in-depth look into what Scripture says about Love: God’s love, our love for Him, our love for others and our love for ourselves.  I’ve found myself reading through my notes over and again, wanting to listen to the sermons more than once as they have really challenged me to grow and convicted me in areas I certainly need it.  I highly encourage everyone to take the time to listen to the messages.  Since Jesus said that the world will know His disciples by our love, its an area we all could grow in.
  • Well the sunshine and an energetic little lady are calling me outside.  Be sure to check back here on Monday as I’ll be sharing the most amazing carrot cupcake recipe I have ever tasted!  Seriously….BEST EVER!  Happy weekend, everyone!

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