They fray quickly now. Within weeks deep denim hues begin to fade towards white. This quick progression from new to used marks every pair of jeans I own, a pattern which began four years ago when I found myself knees-to-floor daily.
In a world of lofty ambition and heads held high, nothing has brought me low like motherhood.
Diapers. Tummy time. Playtime. Wiping away spills. Diapers. Desperately looking for that other shoe. Cleaning up toys. Bath time. Diapers. Cleaning yet another mess. Diapers! I’ve spent much of the past four years on my knees and have the holey jeans to prove it. Truth be told, this has frustrated me far more than it ought. Couldn’t just one pair of jeans not look nearly spent?! Vain, I know.
This simmering continued until last week. As I put on a relatively new pair of jeans, I noticed the knee wear was much less than normal and smiled in delight. But then an unexpected sadness set in. I’m not on my knees as often. The floorbound days are quickly fading with my children’s growth. Less crawling on the floor. Fewer spills to clean. Nearly diaper-free with everyone now playing upright. Our home will soon be baby-free forever. How did this happen so quickly?! The unending days of toddlerhood seem like a wisp now as I’m beginning to feel a mother’s pangs at her child’s increasing independence.
My grieved gaze looked upon the dark denim covering my knees. Suddenly all the fraying jeans of the past four years no longer brought frustration. Rather than carrying the marks of a weary mother, they bore weight like an honor badge, bestowed by grace and held in high esteem. Oh the privilege of faded knees from hours spent earthbound with the most precious gifts given this side of heaven. Forgive me, Lord, for not seeing their significance sooner. Please open my eyes, soften my heart to delight always the wear and tears of this life You’ve entrusted to me. Thank You for making my knees well worn.