Next Wednesday will be a day to remember…and for the better, we hope. At 8 am, we’ll be at the hospital for our first Level 2 ultrasound and some testing. The thought of seeing our little once again and in such detail is exciting. Its always amazing to see babies that small and so fully alive. With Isaac, it felt like we knew him well before he arrived because we had seen him grow and move so much with the ultrasounds. But with this excitement of seeing our baby comes some trepidation, wondering what may be found. Thankfully, none of Isaac’s difficulties were genetic so there’s no medical reason to believe we would experience that road again. But having traveled that path before, you go from thinking “it could never happen to me” to fully understanding anything is possible.
So what does one do when past experience and future hope collide? How do you reconcile knowing what has happened with believing the best for things to come? What if such and such happens? What if they find something wrong? Will I be able to go through all that again? When the path is bittersweet, how do you keep the “bitter” from choking out the “sweetness”?
I’ve been reading through Luke with the Life Journal plan. The timing has been perfect as so much of the book talks about faith, hope, and trusting God with the impossible. Days before scheduling the Level 2 ultrasound, I read Luke 12 and verses 25 – 31 really spoke to me. “Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not! And if worry can’t do little things like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things? …Don’t worry whether God will provide for you. These things dominate the thoughts of most people, but your Father already knows your needs. He will give you all you need from day to day if you make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.” What a timely reminder. It popped back fresh in my mind when anxiety from the scheduled appointment came. I’ve struggled with the land of “what ifs” for much of my life and dwelling there has never added a single moment to my life, let alone made it better. Worry only detracts from one’s quality of life, placing dread in hope’s place and fear in the path of peace. Even in knowing this, so often my flesh writhes within me to grasp worry’s illusion of control. And every time I’ve grabbed it, it has only left me weary with the fresh reminder of how little control I actually had in the matter.
“Don’t worry whether God will provide for you.” God has provided so much already. He gave me life. He gives me this moment’s air and the ability to take it in by breath. When dread creeps near, I need only to look back and remember all God has already done in my life, all He has already provided me with.
As Wednesday approaches, I’m sure there will be many opportunities to grab worry’s hand, to travel back to the land of “what ifs” and dread, to be consumed with things that have no guarantee of occurring. But at the same time, another choice will also be there: the choice to give my anxious thoughts to God, the One who has promised a hope and a future. (1 Peter 5.7, Jeremiah 29.11) As The Message translates it, “Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” (Phil. 4.6-7)
I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know what we’ll see on the ultrasound Wednesday. But of this I am certain: God created this child perfectly for His plan, He holds my very existence and loves me no matter my response to Him. He has placed great joys in my life and faithfully carried me through the valleys. While it will always be a choice, my desire is to always choose hope and trust over worry and dread. And in those moments when I’ll give in to emotion and fear what has not yet come, He’ll carry me on anyways til I can stand again.
“You are blessed, because you have believed that the Lord would do what He said.” (Luke 1.45)
16 responses to “Hope & Trust”
Just wanted you to know that we’ll be thinking of you and praying hard for the good news we all want to hear on Wednesday. I know from experience how terrifying those scans can be when you’re waiting to find out something so important.
It’s good to know that whatever happens it’s all part of God’s great plan… but we’re still praying that everything will be looking fantastic anyway!!
We’re hanging in for a great update on Wednesday!Sending much love from across the pond, and keeping you in prayer as always, Alison, Pete and Charlie x
i will be praying for God’s perfect peace to surround you guys as you wait for Wednesday. i experienced a lot of the same emotions last year when we went for our level 2 with Liam – even though the odds are in your favor to have a healthy child, it’s still hard to shake what you went through with the first – totally understandable. God has created your new baby with His own hands and loves this child more than imagineable, and He has great plans for him or her! i encourage you with your faithfulness and hope in our loving Father and look forward to hearing some wonderful news next week. love, sarah & jeremy
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”- Philippians 4:6-8
Thomas and I will be carrying all three of you in prayer on Wednesday. Can’t wait to see an update then!
That’s so awesome!
I’m so excited for you guys.
You are continually in my prayers!
You will never know how many times your trust in Jesus during and after Isaac’s life here on earth fanned the flame in my heart to trust Him more. Once again He has called you to trust, and you have answered with a resounding “Lord, here I am!”
We are joining you in prayer that Wednesday will bring with it wonderful news! Please let us know how it goes.
your words remind me that I am not the only one who’s “flesh writhes within me to grab hold of worry’s illusion of control”…. you cannot imagine the impact your honesty and faithfulness continue to have on my own spiritual journey….helping to increase my faith…thank you
Your words are so powerful! We are continually praying for you and Jordan – not only on Wednesday but throughout your whole pregnancy and beyond!
We will be praying for you as you go through this next step with anticipated excitement & fear. Thank you for sharing your life with us once again. We are so grateful to be on this journey with you.
Eagerly awaiting the next update of God’s amazing creation.
Our first son was born with a heart defect that was undetected before birth. He was flown to a nearby hospital and had open heart surgery immediately. When I became pregnant with our second child, I remember giving it over to God, and then taking it back so I could worry a little more, and then giving it back to Him, and so on. You are a wise woman! God has brought you to this point and he will see you through it. I remember watching that sono screen and the doctor’s face waiting for anything that might give away what he was seeing. I will pray for peace for you during that time. The peace that can only come through Christ! By the way, we now have three beautiful children that God has entrusted to us and I continue to struggle with giving it all up to Him.
Jordon and Patience,
I have been reading your blog that began with Isaac and I am so excited for you in this phase of your life. I came upon your blog thorough Anita Lewis’ and well I have been praying for you and your family. Your journey is amazing and your faith in our GOD is inspiring.
May GOD be with you right now and may he guide and protect your hearts.
Your faith is so inspiring. This post brought tears to my eyes and really spoke to me as I have always had difficulty trusting God and not worrying. This verse always speaks to me:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
I will be praying for all 3 of you!
Ummm, Patience, have you considered a career in writing??? You’re SO good at it! Great to hear that things are going well, thanks for the continuing insight and encouragement through your words. I’ll be praying!