Thoughts At The Journey’s End

As of 5 o’clock today, nothing has happened.  No contractions.  No “did my water just break” scares.  No glimmers that this thing is going to start anytime soon.  As of 5 o’clock today, I’m frustrated and aware more than ever that I’m truly not in control.  Even though Eliana currently resides in my body and has grown there over the past 9 months, no amount of my will power will make her come any quicker.  Ultimately, she is God’s child.  I simply have the choice of whether or not to be a good steward of this life He has entrusted me with. 

In the midst of my lack of control, I’m seeing how pregnancy is about so much more than growing and birthing a child.  Its about faith.  Its about trusting God with what has been placed within you.  What will you do with what He has given you?  Will you nourish it to the best of your ability?  Will you be faithful in caring for yourself to give the child the best chance at health and strength?  Will you resent all the uncomfortable kicks and cramps or rejoice that there is a growing life within you?   Will you grow angry as you loose control and have to make changes to accommodate this other life within or will you further rely on God to bring His gift to fruition?  Talk about a refining journey!

I remember thinking how much I learned through my first pregnancy: learning to trust God in the face of the unknown, believing He had a good plan when all statistics pointed to something tragic, learning to care for myself and the baby within knowing the journey would take me through pain and great uncertainty.  This pregnancy has been quite different along with the lessons learned.  It has challenged me to trust God’s sovereignty in the face of difficult past circumstances.  So many times, I’ve faced the choice to perceive this journey through the eyes of previous loss or the hope of possible blessings to come.  Would I walk this journey weighed down by previous disappointment or embrace the joy that could be found in each step?  God had blessed me with a new child: would I accept it as a gift or walk in fear each step of the way?  To be honest, I’ve not always chosen the higher road in this journey.  Many times, I’ve succumb to the Satan’s whispers of past pain rather than stand on God’s promise to give me a hope and a future.  How easy it would be to say, “But that’s not been my path thus far…”  “But such and such happened last time…”  “But I’ve only had this type of experience…”

I’m so thankful for my godly husband!  Every time I have given in to fear, Jordan has spoken truth in its face.  He has stood strong when I was weak and brought me back to hope once again.  “See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” (Is. 43.19)

This journey has been a different one, but treasured and good just the same.  Its humbling to think that within a day or so, we’ll be parents once again to a beautiful Answer To Prayer.  I’m scheduled to be induced tomorrow morning if I’ve not gone into spontaneous labor by then.  We greatly appreciate your prayers as tomorrow approaches.  I’m still hoping to go into labor on my own, but we’ll see.  I’m aware now more than ever that I’m not in control of this – learning the meaning of my name all over again.

We’ll keep the blog posted with updates as they occur.  Hopefully by this time tomorrow, the world will know Miss Eliana Faith Leino!

17 Comments

Filed under Pregnancy

17 responses to “Thoughts At The Journey’s End

  1. Natalie

    I will be praying for you tomorrow! Can’t wait to meet the little miracle..she is so blessed to be norm into your family. You and Jordan are so awesome..and you always inspire me!

  2. Natalie

    Okay that was supposed to be “born”…also, looks like our girls will be exactly 6 months apart =}

  3. Kim

    We love you and Jordan so much. We are so looking forward to meeting our little niece. You have honestly and beautifully shared your heart. We love you all the more for it. Even though you may not always feel the love from so many of us, it is yours none the less. We will be praying for you, for Jordan, and for Eliana tonight. Joy comes in the morning!
    xoxo, Kim

  4. Amanda Boyle

    I choked up when I read this…I love you and I’m SO excited for you and Jordan! I look up to you two as individuals and as a couple. 🙂 I’m so glad you have been apart of my life, so so thankful. 🙂

    Can’t wait to see Eliana! 🙂

  5. Leigh and Rodney

    You and Jordan and that wonderful sweetheart yet to emit her first cry are in our thoughts and of course our prayers. I know that the next few days are going to be filled with a love that just takes your breath away. You are both going to be such amazing parents. How fortunate and blessed this child will be to have parents who have and will stand for her and help her to achieve all that our Heavenly Father has planned for her. We love you both so much.

  6. Alli

    I’ll be praying for you tomorrow. I can’t wait to see her.

  7. Becky Boyd

    Love you both….can’t wait to see the beautiful girl God has given you…She is one BLESSED little girl.

  8. Joanna and Kevin

    Praying for you and your precious baby girl!!!

  9. We are praying for you and so so so excited!! Can’t wait to meet Eliana!!

  10. Hey Patience,

    I’ve never really commented, but I did follow your blog during your time with Isaac and have been following as you guys have taken this journey with Eliana. I hope this doesn’t sound like an “I know just how you feel” type post, because I can’t begin to imagine what this pregnancy has been like for you, but I did relate a lot to the ideas you mentioned in this post. I’m 17 weeks pregnant, immediately following a miscarriage we had in March. I spent the entire first trimester terrified. Like, not nervous, or worried–terrified. I woke up every morning waiting for my baby to die. I was jealous and bitter of the people I knew who were having joyful, celebratory pregnancies, while I was trapped in a little world of fear. And lately, God has been teaching me the same lessons you’ve just highlighted: that I can choose to celebrate, live life, and be joyfully aware of each day I’ve been given with this baby, or I can choose to dwell on my previous experience and get weighed down by my lack of control over the situation. Thank you for this honest, insightful, and incredibly encouraging post. I hope the best for you and Jordan as you prepare for your daughter’s arrival! You’re such a blessing and an encouragement.

  11. Kristina Harrell

    Thinking of & praying for you. Patience, for rest & then strength to bring Eliana into this world. Jordan, for strength as his heart melts @ the first sight of his beautiful little girl in her mom’s arms. For the Doctors & Nurses as they stand by you & witness this miracle, that they will know & understand the amazing gift that our Heavenly Father has blessed you with. For the rest of us to be patient for her introduction to us all. You are going to be amazing parents.

    Love you guys

  12. patty honeycutt

    Of course I will be praying for you! Don’t be frightened by being induced~ it’s not that bad.
    Much love and many prayers,
    Patty Honeycutt

  13. Sandra Cruz

    Praying Praying Praying for a beautiful and healthy baby girl, strength for the delivery and just a beautiful day of bringing life into this world.

  14. Patrick Roddy

    Rest well this night before, sweet Patience…God is in control and the world will bear witness to His Blessed faithful gift of life.

  15. Wonderful News!
    We will be praying for you both and please know how much we love you.
    Wooh Hoo
    Eliana is on her way!

  16. Mandy Wroughton

    Hi Patience and Jordan
    I wanted you to know that I will be praying for you today. I’m so excited for the two of you. Just knowing that this time tomorrow you will have a beautiful, healthy baby girl in your arms just overwhelms me with joy. It brings me back to the days that my boys were born. Nothing can compare to the feeling you have when you are looking into the eyes of this wonderful creation that God gave you. I wish you and Jordan nothing but the best. You two are such amazing people and will be amazing parents. I have followed your story from the beginning and admire you for your strong faith and trust in God. Enjoy every single second with that precious little one that will soon be in your arms and know that her big brother is in the arms of our Lord looking down on you.

  17. Jessica Ridenhour

    Praying for you guys this morning. Watching for twitter and blog updates! Can’t wait to see the pics as you introduce Eliana to her blog family!

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