Oh yeah….
She’s hard core.
Father’s Touch
There is nothing like a father’s touch. Jordan has this almost magical ability to bring peace and comfort to our children with just the touch of his hand. It never ceases to amaze me.
Our family was out late last night and sweet Eliana was well past her fatigue limit. Poor girl…she was so tired. She cried the whole ride home. I tried countless times to console her, using every method I could think of, but to no avail. She just continued to cry. When I had finally resigned myself to the fact that she would simply bawl until we got her home to bed, Jordan did what he does best. He reached back, rubbed her foot to comfort her and immediately the crying stopped! Immediately! The tears stopped flowing and all that could be heard from the backseat was contented sighs and eased breathing.
He had the same effect on Isaac. Every now and then, Isaac would work himself up into a frenzy, sweating and fussing to the point of near exhaustion. I would try everything to ease his discomfort and bring him back to peace again. He was nearly deaf so this often was quite challenging. More than once, Jordan walked into the room while our boy was having one of his fits with that magical father’s touch. He would simply place his hand on Isaac’s back and bam! The cries stopped, the striving ceased, and he would fall fast asleep. Instantly! He couldn’t hear that his dad was in the room. He just knew by his touch. And for Isaac, that was always enough to fill him with peace.
I can’t explain it. I’m amazed every time it happens. But I am so thankful for this man, who brings comfort and peace to his family with simply the touch of his hand. What a gift.
Rock’n’Roll Half Marathon
Labor Day Week was absolutely incredible! Three days with some amazing, inspiring women (and one spouse) for lots of laughter, great food, and new memories as six of us ran the Virginia Beach Rock’n’Roll Half Marathon. The weekend exceeded all my expectations and is one that I will never forget.
I’m so thankful God crossed my path with these incredible women. While He has moved us each into different seasons of life (and most several hours away), He gave me an invaluable gift in knowing each one of them. The weekend just magnified to me how precious each of them are and how truly blessed I am to know them. Over the three days in VA Beach, we did what girls do best and talked ourselves silly about everything and anything! Parenting, marriage, fitness, Bible study, home schooling, food, fashion, running, struggles, aging, cooking, labor, cleaning, church, hormones….you name it, we covered it. But no matter the topic of conversation, God spoke encouragement and inspiration into me through each beautiful woman there. I found myself challenged in every area of life to pursue God and reflect Him more. The wisdom that so effortlessly flowed out of my humble friends impacted me in ways that words will fail to describe. These beautiful ladies all left an indelible mark on my life that weekend, one that has made me a better mother, a better wife, a better woman.
The race itself was amazing! It was my first half marathon and it certainly won’t be my last. The experience of running towards a common goal alongside 15,000 other people was exhilarating! From the gun shot start to the final stretch on the boardwalk, I ran better than I ever thought I could. Only stopping for the restroom, I kept my running pace the entire time. Several times, I passed teams running in memory of a child or on behalf of a special needs kid…those moments just about broke me as tears flooded my eyes. What a beautiful way to carry on on behalf of those who cannot. Even thinking of it now gets me misty. During that last stretch on the coast, the toll of the whole race started sinking in and I had to dig deep to finish strong. As soon as my feet crossed the finish line, emotion flooded me like a tsunami. I actually did it! I finished what I set out to do! All I could do was utter thanks to God for carrying me through, the physical and all the mental hurdles of training and the race itself.
What a weekend! I can’t wait to run my next half. Hopefully it will whip my then post-baby-#3 body back into shape. 🙂 Here are some pics of the weekend. (courtesy of the fabulous Rebekah King)
Day at the Farm
This past weekend, our family ventured up to Hill Ridge Farms for a day of harvest fun. Eliana had a blast exploring all the sites at the farm She was fascinated by bunnies and miniature ponies. She ran laps around the wooden fort and walking through the hay tunnel. Much to our amusement, Eliana’s favorite part was standing next to the huge pumpkin “measure me” board. She saw some older kids standing next to the board to get measured, so every time we walked by, she made a bee-line to stand up next to it. It was adorable! The day wrapped with a hayride to the pumpkin patch, where Eliana picked out the perfect pumpkin. The day was a huge success! Hill Ridge Farms had definitely become a new fall tradition.
Whirlwind of a Summer
What a summer it has been! So much has happened since June. Family trips to Annapolis, MD, Washington D.C., Lynchburg, VA, Tampa, FL, and Myrtle Beach, SC. Ran a half-marathon in Virginia Beach. A Leino family wedding in Traverse City, Michigan. Moved to a new apartment closer to Raleigh. A Roddy family reunion in the Outer Banks. Patience began Green Belt Six Sigma training with UNC Hospitals’ PICU team. Leino Studios continues to grow. Wow!
Now that life has settled back down to a normal-ish pace, we’ll be back to regular blogging. Many stories & pictures to come in the days ahead. For now, we’ll leave you with this pic of our sweet Eliana who is now just shy of 15 months.
Oh and by the way….we’re pregnant. 🙂
Water Baby
Eliana Faith is a water baby! If she can splash it, she loves it. She laughs during bath time, jumps like crazy in the pool, and walks straight towards the ocean. Plus, she looks adorable in her little swimsuit. Jordan and I both grew up on the water, so it definitely runs in the family. We Leinos love water-related activities. I can’t wait for her first swimming lesson, her first ride on a boat, her first spin on a jet ski.
I just love our water baby!
Coffee Girl
You’d think I’d learn my lesson the first time or perhaps even the second. But no. Three times now Eliana has found my coffee (cold each time), poured it out and proceeded to splash around in the spill…and always over white carpet! Her reach is much farther than I realized. She was covered head-to-toe in Starbucks 3 Region goodness. Hopefully this lesson will stick. That or I need to invest in Oxyclean stock.
Crazy
Well, I’ve gone and done it. I’ve officially signed up for my first half marathon! How am I feeling? At the moment – crazy! It took me 15 minutes to press the “submit & checkout” button. Running 13.1 miles straight? And paying to do it? What am I thinking?! Craziness!! But I know in the end, it will totally be worth it. Some of my dearest girlfriends and I are going to be running together in the race this fall. Currently, I’m running about 3 miles at a time. Good for starters but I have a loooooooooong way to go. So here’s to lots of sweat, aching muscles, and a huge sense of accomplishment. Let the training begin!
10 Months Old
Our sweet Eliana Faith is 10 months old today! In a blink, we’ll be at her 1st birthday. Time is flying by! We fall deeper into love with her every day. She’s grown so much in the past few weeks. She is the friendliest little girl and she loves to clap. Anytime she hears “yay” or applause, Eliana claps away.
Eliana crawls like a champ now. She’s so fast! She loves to stand on her own and crawl on things. Several times we’ve walked into the bathroom to find the toilet paper completely unrolled. She’s curious about everything!
Eliana has been talking up a storm! She’s been saying “Da-Da” and “ball”, but mostly loves to just babble. That and blow raspberries. Whenever we’re singing around the house or learning a new song, she joins in with us. During morning sound check before service yesterday at Journey, I was holding Eliana while singing into the mic. By the end of the song, she was leaning in to the mic trying to sing as well. It’s the cutest thing!
We love you, Eliana Faith! You are one of God’s sweetest blessings in our life. Happy 10 months, precious girl!
Filed under Eliana
Fun Fact Friday
– Nutella Banana Crepes are calling my name. Don’t they sound delicious?!
– My 10 yr High School Reunion is next month in Annapolis. I’m stoked! (and way to young for a 10 yr H.S. Reunion to be here already) 🙂
– Still will never, ever eat a Red Packer hot dog. Nope.
– SYTYCD is back on!!! (its a fav)
– I’ve always been a milk chocolate fan. But ever since I was pregnant with Eliana, I can’t stand it. Now its dark chocolate all the way! Strange, huh?
– As far as female song writers are concerned, I think Mia Fields, Brooke Fraser, Christy Nockels, and Nichole Nordemon are fantabulous.
– Sorbet of choice: Ciao Bella’s Blackberry Cabernet
– Today is going to be great! Happy Friday, everyone!
Comfort (Part Two)
All I could do was cry. Cry for Charlie. Cry for the Baers. Cry for every person on this planet who has lost someone. It was quite a sight – some red-headed chick bawling her eyes out in front of a Buffalo Wild Wings. “Why, Lord? Why does there have to be so much hurt? Why did Charlie leave so soon? You could have healed him.” Quickly the sorrow turned to anger. It was surreal in some ways, like experiencing the full span of the grieving process in a few minutes. How I ached for my friends.
Within minutes of Josh’s call, I was on the phone with my mom and in the hugging arms of my dear friend, Cathy (she’s practically my big sister…love her to pieces!) Both these godly women gave me such comfort, reminding me of what I already knew but emotions blocked at the moment. God is good. He is always good. He loves the Baers and my family so much. He loves little Charlie just as he loves every child He creates. And because of what we went through with our son, we could now come alongside this family as they begin the grieving journey. “Comfort others with the comfort you yourself have received.” Once again, amidst the tears and sorrow, I experienced the promised comfort of the Holy Spirit, that “peace that surpasses all understanding.” (Phil.4.7)
As the days have passed, I’ve pondered over and again the homecoming of these two sweet boys and heartache in general. At its core, it is simply part of the human experience as we are mortal beings living in a fallen world. Loss is part of life. While it comes in various forms at varying seasons, loss is loss. It hurts. It changes you, whether for the better or for worse.
During our drive back from Myrtle Beach for church on Sunday, my mind was racing with these thoughts, asking God to make further sense of it all for me. We pulled up to Journey right on time. The service was AMAZING! Pastor Jimmy concluded his series on spiritual warfare, Supernatural. Wow! The message was so equipping, so saturated in Scripture. And the worship, well, there are no words. Through the morning, Jimmy kept referencing passages from 2 Corinthians. I’d been trying to figure out what to study next in the Word and felt that 2 Corinthians was calling me. Monday morning came and as I opened my Bible to begin studying that day, I could not help but smile. Just three verses in, God spoke right to my heart:
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Cor.1.3-4)
God’s love is so beautiful, His timing always perfect. In that moment, He seemed to make it all so much clearer for me and put to words what He had already been stirring in my heart. Suffering is a thing of life – a horrible, tragic thing. But within suffering are hidden treasures to be found. By God’s grace and power, He has opened my eyes to see the beautiful things that have come from our journey and loss of Isaac. Had we not walked that road, we would not understand God’s love and peace as we do now. We would not appreciate Eliana as profoundly as we do each day. Without Him by our side, we could never imagine such deep and complete healing to be possible. Yes, we still miss our son terribly. But our hearts have healed and in remembering that bittersweet season, the sweetness outshines the bitter. To God be the glory for it! Had we not spent those 130+ days in the hospital, we would not be able to empathize with other families in that same situation. I would not even have the opportunity to be part of a Parent Advisory Board at a hospital, let alone make a difference on it. And had we not been parents of a HLHS baby, the Baers would have gone through the past few months without personally knowing another family who knew exactly what they were going through. I’ll never forget Josh’s words, “I know we didn’t call much, but just knowing you all were there meant the world to us.”
Suffering is so much more than loss. It is a beautiful opportunity. It holds treasures to be found and in Christ, we can discover them. We serve the Father of compassion, the God of ALL comfort. He comforted me in all my troubles and because of Him, I now can comfort others in any trouble with the same comfort that I received. In truth, He has given me a gift. He has turned my mourning into dancing, taken the ashes of my loss and made them something beautiful. Does He desire we suffer? Absolutely not! But as a wise woman once said, “God is faithful to redeem what He allows.” What could have been my undoing has become a gift that I can give to others. It does not take the pain away nor negate the weight of our loss, but it redeems it. To God be all the glory for the redeeming work He has done.
Please join me in continuing to pray for the Baer family. The road ahead is long and marked with grief. It will be hard. It will sneak up on them at times, as it still does for my family. But what joy to know that God holds their every moment, captures each of their tears (Psalm 56.8). And one day, He will wipe away every tear from our eyes. He is the God of all comfort, the Father of mercies, Lord over all. That, my friends, is comfort.
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then He said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.” (Revelation 21.1-7)
Comfort (Part One)
Lately, I find myself at a loss for words. Even now in typing this, my thoughts seem to collect for a moment and flit away the next. They’ve been churning in my mind for a week now. Hopefully they will all come out clearly…that or you’ll at least be amused at my scatterbrainedness. (is that a word?) Buckle up. Its a longer one. Here’s the first part of “Comfort”.
It all goes back to one week ago when I was preparing to speak on a parent panel at UNC. They were hosting at two-day conference by the Institute for Family-Centered Care (IFCC). As part of this panel, I was privileged to speak to medical staff and case workers at UNC about my experiences as the parent of a critically ill child, reflect on what was positive in our experiences on the PICU, and what could have been improved upon. I’ve shared our journey many times before and at much greater length in different situations, but for some reason this time struck me differently. Perhaps it was sharing it with actual PICU staff. Perhaps it was speaking those words within the same hospital that cared for our son. Perhaps it was hormones. Whatever the reason, there was something about that morning that brought so much more detail back to memory of our time with Isaac at UNC. It left the memory fresh in my mind and strong on my heart. (Thank You, Lord, for that precious little boy!)
Then Thursday came. Around 10 o’clock that night, I was out to dinner with some great girlfriends in Myrtle Beach, SC. We were laughing, sharing stories, and applauding Ailene who had preached a strong word on Joshua earlier in the evening at Barefoot Church’s Ladies Night Out. (seriously…if you haven’t gotten a copy of her study yet – get to it!) Just as we ordered our late-night dinner, my phone rang. It was my friend, Josh Baer. “Hey Josh! How’s it going?”
His words caught me by surprise and knocked the air from my lungs with the force of a semi.
“Um…Charlie didn’t make it.”
Everything stopped. In an instant, grief washed over me for my friend as all the emotions of Isaac’s homecoming flooded back. They were so fresh from speaking on the panel just the day before. No! NO! Charlie was supposed to make it! He was supposed to have the better outcome with HLHS. The cocktail of emotions was choking. Grief, sorrow, confusion, anger. Even though I knew this was a chance for Charlie simply because of his diagnosis, I had hoped and prayed dearly that it would not be his fate. Certainly not so soon.
In moments, another emotion swept in to join the mix: guilt. Why did we get so much more time with our son than our friends? Why were we able to take our baby home but they weren’t? In a moment, I was reminded of the frailty of life and how fortunate we were for every day Isaac was with us. I still don’t understand the why, but rest in knowing:
“For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139.13-16)
Beach Baby
Our little girl LOVES the beach! We spent several hours on the Myrtle Beach shoreline yesterday with dear friends, the Grays. Eliana had a blast digging in the sand, wading in the ocean, and clapping at everyone passing by. Total cuteness! (MAD props to Aveeno baby sunscreen!)
In Remembrance
Sweet Charlie Baer died tonight. This brave little boy fought hard all 25 days that he was here on earth. Thankfully, he was surrounded by his family during the final moments of this life. Please please keep Josh, Marina, Noah and their families in your prayers as they begin this new chapter. Words cannot express how my heart aches for them. Good night, sweet Charlie Baer. You will never be forgotten.
These Are The Moments…
Filed under Eliana, Jordan, Photography
Charlie Baer
Several months back, I received an email from an old friend from high school, Josh Baer. He & his wife, Marina, were expecting twins – Noah and Charlie. Everything with the pregnancy was going smoothly until they got some shocking news: Charlie had HLHS (the same congenital heart defect that Isaac was born with). Its news that rocks you to the core and shakes your whole perspective of the future for your little one.
On April 26, Charles Matthew and Noah Raymond arrived safe and sound. They are adorable little boys!
Thankfully, no other congenital problems have been discovered with Charlie. He underwent his first open-heart surgery at 3 days old and is currently on ECMO to aid in his recovery. Please join me in praying for Charlie and his family. Their journey hits close to home for us. We know from experience the profound importance of prayer and encouragement in this. Please join us in passing along that same support to the Baers. Not only are Josh & Marina diligently caring for Charlie, but caring for sweet Noah as well at home. They truly are a wonderful family. You can follow their story at The Baer Bunch blog.
Hopes & Dreams
Back in January, I asked readers what they would like to read about on LeinoLife. One question that stood out to me was “What are your hopes and dreams for Eliana?” Where to begin?!
Just the thought of answering this question fills me with emotions overwhelming. How do you put it into words?! My greatest dream for Eliana is that she would give her life to Jesus and live for Him all the days of her life, that she would know without a shadow of a doubt that God created her with greatness in mind, and that she is completely loved simply for being herself. I want her to be able to understand the limitless love of her Heavenly Father because it has been modeled day in and day out by her wonderful earthly father. I want her to love the Scriptures, to base her life around them, and to live out Christ’s love each day. I want her to live life to the fullest.
My prayer is she would grow to be a woman of purity and integrity, compassion and courage. I hope that she will always know how valuable her life is and that I am always proud of her. I hope that as she grows in physical beauty, her inner beauty shines even brighter. I hope she is a good steward of whatever gifts God has placed within her. I hope she works hard, dreams larger than life, and never ever gives up on her goals. May God mold me to raise her to live according to His Spirit – one of power, love, and a sound mind. May she never look at life through the lens of fear but of faith. Whenever she faces an obstacle, may she never cower in fear but rise up to meet the challenge head on. When life knocks her down, may she always get back on her feet and press on. I hope that one day, she marries a godly man who has saved himself fully for her, who loves her with every ounce of his being, and who is fully submitted to Jesus. I hope that she marries a man like her daddy – a man who fleshes out God’s love for her.
Eliana Faith. May she be a woman of joy, grace, and wisdom; of power, strength, and love. May she always know that her parents love her and are proud of her. May she grow to accept Christ as her Savior and live all her days for His glory. May she be fully herself without fear and ever be at peace with who God has created her to be. May she experience all the blessings and gifts God desires for her.
There is so much I hope and dream for this sweet little girl. She is more than I ever imagined. But above all – above my own hopes and dreams for her – may she walk in the destiny that her Creator has in store for her. And may I ever be molded and shaped to parent her towards that destiny. Help me, Lord. Eliana is one of your most precious gifts to me. May I be found faithful as her mom.
Family Pictures at Duke Gardens
Our good friend, Nathan Lawrenson, shot a family photo session for us as few weeks back at Duke Gardens. He is an incredible photographer with a powerful story! The Lawrensons are some of our dearest friends and we are blessed to have them in our lives. God certainly brought us all together at pivotal times in our own family journeys. We are so grateful for the many ways God has and continues to work through them.
If you’re even thinking of having family pictures done, you MUST check him out! You will not be disappointed. Here are some of our favorite pics:
Filed under Family, Friends, Fun, Photography
A Life Of Patience 